I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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