after a month anything with tits is on the radar
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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