Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just tell him i said nine months
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
