A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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