is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
