can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
