I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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