I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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