A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
