I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
