homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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