You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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