Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
