yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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