Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
