I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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