I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
