Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
