Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
