I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
