White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
