the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
