Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
