I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sober January is a disaster.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
