She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
