He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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