Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
