so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
