i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
