Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
