She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
