"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
