I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
