god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
