Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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