I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
