Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
