I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
