made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sext me about skeletons
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
