She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
