Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
