i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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