I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
