Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
