i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
