His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
