I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
