So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
