She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
