i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
