I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
