so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
